Life of the Rooks

It's nights like these, as I sit awake at 2 am while everyone is asleep, that I miss people like my Ninny, Granny, and Tisyn the most. I've had a lot on my mind for the past few months and a lot has to do with family drama mixed with financial issues and just not having a lot of family time.

I miss talking to Tisyn (no I'm not crazy). He somehow had a way of looking back at me and his eyes somehow said everything would be OK. I really miss my Ninny and often wish that I had more time to spend with her so she could share more of her wisdom. I definitely took after her with my cooking and crafty skills. More than anything, I wish that my Ninny and Granny were still here to meet my beautiful baby boy.

I do not wish for any material thing for Christmas. However, I do only have one Christmas wish. I wish for peace, love, and happiness to join my family again. I'm not talking about one particular side of my family, I am talking about all 4 sides because they all have issues.

I am learning more and more that life is too short to deal with family drama. I am tired of dealing with it. Everyone has issues that others can not change. I am very thankful for the family that I have and none of them are perfect.

God has blessed me in so many ways this year. He blessed me with an amazing son and an opportunity to stay at home and raise him. He has also blessed me with an awesome, hardworking husband that is willing to work 2 jobs in order to care for his family. He has blessed me with the opportunity to start my own business in hopes of it growing into something spectacular. He has blessed me with my good health, nice car and house, and food. Most importantly, the freedom to enjoy it all and for this I am truley grateful.

Not all things this year have been blissful. We have been hit hard financially with the loss of my job, but through our faith in God, he has made everthing work out for us. I have put my faith in God a lot more than usual here lately because I have come to the realization that he knows whats in store for me and I just have to go with the flow and he will show me what my purpose is.

With that being said, I am tired of dealing with all the petty stuff.

1. My house will never be spotless. There are only so many hours in the day. I have to prioritize my time. I have to sleep, work on projects for the business, and most importantly spend time with Leland. Anyone that has ever been to my house knows it is never "dirty". I will even go with it is never "messy". I would much rather keep the house as clean as I can and spend as much quality time with Leland as I can than to obsess over a clean house.

2. I'm tired of dealing with money. I hate it! I see now how money makes people bitter and tears in between people. I am tired of worrying how bills will be paid. Some how or another we have managed since July and we will continue to manage. We are not hurting for anything. I have become a saving nazi and will continue to do so in order to continue paying off our debts, bills, and grow our savings.

3. I have learned to appreciate quality time with my husband, even though it is very hard to come by.

4. Most importantly, I am so tired of dealing with family drama. The more I sit and think about things that are going on, the more I realize that God wants me to forgive and move on. I do not know the reason people act the way they do. I do not know why people choose to not call for weeks/months at a time to check on us, but think that everything is OK. I can not change people, but I can distance myself and my family from the drama.

I am turning over a new leaf and wash my hands of the dramatic situations that are tormenting all sides of my family. As always, I will continue to do whats best for Jason, Leland, and I. I will not allow myself to get caught up in the non-important matters of life. Life is too short. I want to spend as much time with the people that actually care about me and my family. The emotions of the drama filled family are trying to work their way at Jason and I, and I won't have it. We have plenty on our plates and don't need any extra.

It is my number one goal to make a happy home for Leland and take advantage of any quality moments Jason and I get to spend together. I will continue to put everything in God's hands and let him show me through all of our troubles.

I really wish others in our family would adopt this new philosophy. Quit worrying about everyone else and take care of yourself. Stop fretting over the small stuff and enjoy as much quality family time as you can. Get over issues that you can't change because life is too short and you don't know when you or someone else will leave this earth. Learn that you have 5 minutes to call/e-mail someone to check up on them or at least show that you care. Don't act like everythings OK when there are issues that need to be worked out on the table. At least agree to disagree and figure out how to make the other person feel better and move on. Don't just ignore others feelings and the issues.